It’s a Dog’s Life

Yes, she’s a bitch. A Scottish bitch. With the kind of looks, that make you want to stop trying and go home. And a name to remember - Filisite Brash Beauty Never Lies. Trying saying that at 3am in a crowded Annabel’s. But you are never going to find Brash Beauty in a night club. Brash Beauty doesn’t do late nights, alcohol, vegan food or yoga. Brash Beauty does dog shows instead.  And wins, all over Europe. But today is the big one. Today is Cruft’s and unfortunately for Brash Beauty, the competition is fierce.

I love my dogs and used to think I pampered them by giving them the odd bath and brisk brush. Not anymore. Compared to their show ring cousins, Bertie and George are a couple of tramps with problematic body odour and a taste for Special Brew. These show dogs aren’t dogs at all - they are works of art. Every hair is teased into place; every nail manicured; every move choreographed and executed to perfection. They’re hot and they know it, treating onlookers with disdain of a twenty-year-old with her first Victoria Secret show. They don’t chase balls and they don’t pretend to be dead. They don’t need to. They leave all that sort of thing to their less beautiful brothers and sisters and the athletic mayhem of the obedience ring.

It’s a tough place, a dog show. There are fights – not amongst the dogs – they are too well-bred for that sort of behaviour – but amongst the owners and judges where old rivalries can quickly turn nasty. This year’s show was quite tame compared to 2015 when two judges and a leading dog breeder were banned by the Kennel Club for fighting.

But, generally, the competitors are as well-behaved as their dogs and very friendly. The trip to the NEC is the highlight of their year and they intend to enjoy every minute of it. They’ve worked night and day to get their dogs ready and if they look a little dishevelled, so be it. It’s all about the dogs, no? Well, up to a point. The sartorial standards of the owners are on the up. Perhaps it’s the influence of the Continental owners or concern about the environmental damage of disposing the shell suit, but there is a definite improvement in the owners’ turnout. The Russians look as if they are in Chanel while the Belgians are in Chanel knock-offs. I don’t think Karl would approve overall but then he was always more of a cat person.